Courtney, Spreading HOPE for Leighton
Courtney English, sharing her story in memory of Leighton
“We lost Leighton two years ago and I miss her just as much, if not more, now. In some ways, the first year was easier. You’re in such survival mode. And it’s almost like the grief and the anxiety and the sadness are “allowed”. Like it’s allowed to take over your whole life. And you think maybe it will get easier. The more time passes, the more you realize how permanent losing them is. It sounds silly to say but I have moments where I think “Oh my god. She’s really not coming back”. And I have to figure out how to live the rest of my life without her. It feels impossible. But we do our best to make her part of our lives every day. We talk about her, we say good morning and good night to her, we have pictures up alongside our other children. She’s as much our child as our other children are, but we have to love her so differently.
We welcomed another baby girl this past December. She brings us so much joy and laughter. We feel blessed to have been given another daughter. Especially with two boys at home. We love her more than words. She is silly and smart and sweet and I love getting to be a girl Mom. But having her here doesn’t ease the pain of not having her sister. And I think that’s hard to explain to people who haven’t lived this life. Each baby has their own piece of your heart. And you don’t get it back when you don’t get to take them home.
Losing Leighton has taught us so much and I am so grateful for that part of loss. Our empathy and understanding for others has grown ten fold. We know time is short and it’s not a given. We know more than ever what’s important to us. What matters. What’s a big deal and what’s not. Our appreciation for all of the good things is what keeps us going. Leighton has given us more than we ever got to give her but we’ll spend our lives making sure our world never forgets her.
RTZ helps me by reading your posts and knowing there are others out there thinking about our babies.”
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Our HOPEtober annual event honors all losses on the journey to parenthood.
Even though so many of us have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, or know someone who has, it is a loss that exists in the shadows. As bereaved parents, we feel isolated and alone. But together, we can shine a light on pregnancy and infant loss, helping others to live a life that holds both grief and joy.
HOPEtober Luminaries partner with us during the month of October to be an advocate and ambassador in spreading awareness and shining a light on pregnancy and infant loss. By sharing our stories we’re bringing awareness to pregnancy and infant loss, as well as the resources and support that exist through Return to Zero: Hope. As a nonprofit, raising awareness and funds are essential to our cause and support programs.
We'd be grateful if you you would consider making a contribution to Courtney's fundraiser in honor of Leighton. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.
This year our goal is to raise $75,000 during the month of October so that we can continue spread hope and healing by providing resources and support to grieving families and their care providers.
Thank you for helping to shatter the silence around pregnancy & infant loss.