What to Say (and What Not to Say)
Finding the Words After Pregnancy or Infant Loss
It can be hard to know what to say when someone you care about experiences pregnancy or infant loss. Even with the best intentions, some words meant to offer comfort can unintentionally minimize or invalidate someone's grief. Saying nothing at all can also be painful.
You don't need to have the perfect words. Acknowledging their loss, listening without trying to fix their grief, and letting them know you care can mean more than knowing exactly what to say.
Words that Hurt
These phrases are often said with love and good intentions, but they can minimize the loss, rush someone's grief, or make them feel as though they need to look for a positive side to what happened.
At least…
God has a plan/ Everything happens for a reason
Time heals all wounds
It’s going to be okay
You are young, you can have more children
At least you can get pregnant
Be thankful you have other children
Let go, move on
Try Not To
Offer cliches
Judge or impose your beliefs
Compare losses
What Can Be Helpful to Say
I love you
I am so sorry
I am here to support you
If you would like to talk about how you are feeling, I’m here to listen.
Did you name your baby?
Use the baby's name when you know it. Many bereaved parents appreciate hearing their baby's name and knowing that others remember them.
You Don't Need the Perfect Words
Grief is individual to each person, and there isn't one phrase that will feel right to everyone. Follow the lead of the person you are supporting. Listen more than you speak, avoid trying to explain or fix their loss, and don't be afraid to acknowledge their baby.
Your presence shows you care.
Continue Supporting Someone You Love
Understanding their grief is an important first step. Explore practical ways to be present and offer meaningful support.