Stillbirth: Understanding Your Loss and Finding Support
The death of a baby during pregnancy or birth can be devastating. Whether your baby's death was unexpected or followed a difficult diagnosis, you may be navigating profound grief alongside physical recovery, difficult decisions, and uncertainty about what comes next.
Stillbirth can bring experiences that others may not fully understand. You may be preparing to give birth to a baby who has died, making decisions about spending time together, or returning home while grieving the life and future you imagined.
Every family's experience is different. There is no right way to navigate stillbirth, and no expectation that you should feel, decide, or grieve in a particular way.
This resource offers information, practical considerations, and compassionate support as you navigate the death of your baby.
Receiving the News and Preparing for Birth
Learning that your baby has died can be overwhelming. Whether the news comes during a routine appointment, after noticing a change in movement, or following a difficult diagnosis, you may feel shocked, frightened, numb, or unable to process what is happening.
If you have not yet given birth, you may also be facing decisions at a time when it is difficult to think clearly.
What You May Be Experiencing
Shock or disbelief: Struggling to understand or accept what you have been told.
Difficulty processing information: Finding it hard to remember conversations or make decisions.
Fear about giving birth: Feeling uncertain about labor, delivery, or what your baby may look like.
Overwhelming emotions: Experiencing sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, or moments of numbness.
A need for answers: Wanting to understand why your baby died, even when answers may not be immediately available.
There is no expected way to respond to this news.
Preparing for Birth
Depending on your circumstances, you may have time to consider some of the following:
Asking your healthcare team to explain what will happen during labor and delivery.
Discussing your options for the timing and management of birth.
Having a partner, family member, friend, or other support person present.
Sharing preferences about pain management, privacy, and your birth environment.
Asking what choices you may have for seeing, holding, or spending time with your baby.
Requesting time to ask questions or revisit decisions when medically possible.
You do not need to make every decision at once. Your healthcare team can help you understand which decisions are time-sensitive and which can wait.
For additional guidance about what to expect and the choices that may be available, visit our At the Hospital resource.
Meeting Your Baby and Creating Memories
After your baby has died, you may be offered opportunities to see, hold, and spend time with them. These decisions are deeply personal, and what feels right for one family may not feel right for another.
Some parents know immediately what they want, while others feel uncertain or overwhelmed.
Spending Time With Your Baby
Depending on your circumstances and what is available, you may choose to:
See, hold, or cuddle your baby.
Bathe or dress your baby.
Invite family members or loved ones to meet your baby.
Spend time together in a private, quiet space.
Ask your healthcare team about opportunities for additional time together.
You can ask questions, express your preferences, or change your mind when circumstances allow.
Creating Memories and Keepsakes
Some families find comfort in creating tangible memories of their baby.
Options may include:
Taking photographs together.
Creating handprints or footprints.
Keeping a blanket, outfit, or other meaningful item.
Writing a letter or reading to your baby.
Choosing a name or participating in a meaningful ritual.
Asking about memory-making services available through the hospital.
You do not have to do any of these things to honor your baby or demonstrate your love.
If you were unable to spend time with your baby or create keepsakes, your relationship and the love you have for them are no less meaningful.
Physical Recovery After Stillbirth
After giving birth, your body will go through many of the same postpartum changes as someone who has delivered a living baby. Navigating these physical changes while grieving can be especially painful.
Your recovery deserves care, attention, and support.
What You May Experience
Depending on your pregnancy, birth, and individual circumstances, you may experience:
Bleeding and cramping: As your uterus heals and returns to its pre-pregnancy size.
Physical discomfort: Including soreness, swelling, or recovery from a vaginal or cesarean birth.
Milk production: Your milk may come in even though your baby has died.
Hormonal changes: Which can affect your emotions, sleep, and physical well-being.
Exhaustion: From childbirth, disrupted sleep, grief, and emotional stress.
Navigating Lactation After Loss
Milk production after stillbirth can be unexpected and emotionally difficult.
You may have options, including:
Suppressing milk production.
Expressing small amounts of milk for comfort.
Exploring breast milk donation, if available and meaningful to you.
A lactation consultant or healthcare professional experienced in bereavement care can help you understand your options and manage discomfort safely.
Caring for Your Body
As you recover, it may help to:
Ask your healthcare team what physical changes to expect.
Discuss pain management and postpartum care.
Request clear instructions about symptoms that need medical attention.
Accept practical help with meals, household tasks, or other responsibilities.
Schedule postpartum follow-up care, even if returning to a medical setting feels difficult.
Your physical recovery matters, even as you grieve.
Navigating Grief and Trauma After Stillbirth
The days and weeks following stillbirth can feel overwhelming. You may be grieving your baby while recovering from birth, navigating everyday responsibilities, and adjusting to a life that looks very different from what you imagined.
Grief may affect your emotions, thoughts, body, relationships, and sense of safety.
What You May Be Experiencing
Deep sadness or longing: Missing your baby and the experiences you imagined sharing.
Shock or numbness: Feeling disconnected from yourself or what has happened.
Guilt or self-blame: Wondering whether something could have been done differently.
Anger or frustration: Feeling upset with yourself, others, healthcare providers, or the circumstances of your loss.
Anxiety or fear: Worrying about your health, future pregnancies, or the safety of loved ones.
Difficulty concentrating: Struggling with decisions, memory, or everyday responsibilities.
These responses may change over time. There is no expected timeline or single way to grieve.
Returning Home Without Your Baby
Leaving the hospital and returning home can be especially painful.
Some experiences may include:
Seeing an empty nursery or baby items prepared for your child's arrival.
Receiving baby-related messages, advertisements, or appointment reminders.
Navigating questions from people who may not know your baby died.
Feeling isolated from friends or family members who are pregnant or parenting.
Facing milestones, holidays, or the anticipated due date.
You may want to keep your baby's belongings nearby, put them away, or ask someone else to help you decide what to do with them. There is no right choice, and you do not have to make these decisions immediately.
Finding Emotional Support
Grief and trauma can overlap, but they are not the same experience. Some parents benefit from additional support when distressing memories, anxiety, or other trauma responses affect daily life.
Connecting with a grief counselor, trauma-informed mental health professional, or other bereaved parents may help.
For additional guidance, explore our Caring for Yourself After Pregnancy and Infant Loss resource.
Remembering and Staying Connected to Your Baby
Your baby's life and your relationship with them matter, regardless of how long you were together.
For some parents, finding ways to remember and include their baby in their lives can bring comfort. For others, these connections may feel difficult or change over time.
Ways to Remember Your Baby
You may find meaning in:
Sharing their story: Saying your baby's name, talking about your pregnancy, or sharing memories.
Keeping meaningful items: Photographs, ultrasound images, clothing, blankets, or other keepsakes.
Creating rituals: Lighting a candle, planting something, or acknowledging birthdays and other significant dates.
Including your baby in family life: Finding ways to acknowledge them in family traditions or conversations.
Creative expression: Writing letters, making art, or creating something in your baby's memory.
You may also find connection in quiet, everyday moments that are meaningful only to you.
There is no right way to remember your baby. You do not need to create rituals, share your story, or find meaning in your loss.
For additional ideas, visit our Finding Connection After Pregnancy or Infant Loss resource.
Finding Support After Stillbirth
You do not have to navigate the death of your baby alone. Connecting with people who understand pregnancy and infant loss can provide a space where your grief is acknowledged and your baby is remembered.
Finding the Support That Feels Right for You
Support may include:
Peer support groups: Connecting with other parents who have experienced stillbirth or pregnancy and infant loss.
Individual counseling: Working with a grief counselor or mental health professional experienced in perinatal bereavement.
Family and friends: Spending time with people who listen, acknowledge your baby, and respect your needs.
Practical assistance: Accepting help with meals, household responsibilities, or everyday tasks.
Online communities: Finding connection with other bereaved parents when in-person support is unavailable or difficult.
Connect With RTZ
RTZ offers compassionate support for individuals and families following pregnancy and infant loss, including stillbirth.
Our support groups, workshops, and other programs provide opportunities to connect with others, share your experience if you choose, and receive support without pressure to grieve in a particular way.