Ariel, Sharing Hope in Memory of her Baby Boy

Ariel Cavanaugh-Okhah,

sharing hope

in memory of

her Baby Boy

One year ago, I was heartbroken and my soul crushed. I had just TFMR’ed at 16 weeks. I had to navigate a system that did not want to help, and travel out of state for healthcare. At that point, I hadn’t seen a therapist, I had not found RTZ or any supportive communities. I was painfully alone and isolated in my deep despair and grief. I couldn’t find the statistics that told me how many women and families go through this.

I started individual therapy which was tremendously helpful, but I still found myself critical of my decision. I found myself stuck in an endless loop that I am a bad person for deciding termination. My therapist recommended group and I resisted because I didn’t “need” it. I could do this on my own, I could get over it with time and simply move on with my life.

Twice weekly individual sessions were not moving me closer to my goal of “moving on” so to RTZ’s virtual support group I hesitantly went. I met other women and instantly felt accepted, understood and loved. I treasured those weekly 90 minutes. I was held with compassion and grace. These women spoke my innermost thoughts, they normalized ALL of the things happening to and around me. I listened to their stories and grieved with them. I realized these were bravest, most compassionate, loving mothers. What they did was incredibly powerful and selfless. When I saw the pure compassion and admiration I had for these women, I realized I could extend myself the same grace. That is when my life changed. I saw myself in them. That is the life changing magic of group; having the opportunity to see yourself through others. 

The group captivated my soul and my emotions, it also engaged my mind. The psycho education portion helped me see my trauma through an emotional and cerebral lens. It helped me make sense of some of the things happening around me that I just didn’t understand. I had been experiencing it without having an understanding that it was happening.

Finally, because of group I was able to let go of my goal of “simply moving on”. This will not be something I will be moving on from. My boy that I lost will be with me forever. I will try to honor him, incorporate him into my life. I think of him everyday and I’d imagine I will spend my life thinking of him.

This experience helped me break free from shame. My TFMR highlighted my shame in a way that made it unbearable to breathe. I know I had some issues with shame but TFMR forced me to address this. Because of this, I started the very hard work of breaking free from shame. This in turn, freed me from my own bondage of doubt. I have since started a tiktok where I talk openly about my TFMR for T21 (& major health issues). I connect with families that are struggling, that are in need of community, that are stuck feeling isolated and alone in their specific type of trauma and grief. I have turned this tragedy into meaning- talking about abortion and all that is taboo with that. I find myself fiercely advocating for women’s healthcare rights. I wish more than anything I was holding a healthy baby boy aged nine months. That I wasn’t intimately familiar with the need for access to abortions, or the life changing magic of support groups. I wish more than anything I wasn’t writing this- finding ways to honor my boy. Unfortunately for me, this is my reality and I will fight to celebrate his short time by being my true self, fight for others rights, and be there for women that were isolated and broken like me.

HOW TO HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN BABY BOY’S HONOR

Pregnancy and infant loss is a unique type of loss, leaving the grievers to feel isolated and unsure of how to move forward. We'd be grateful if you would consider making a contribution to RTZ HOPE. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.

With your support in 2023 (Annual Report) RTZ HOPE continued to fulfill our mission of serving over 250,000 bereaved parents and the healthcare providers who support them through a variety of free and reduced fee programs and offerings.

HOW WE EMPOWER PROVIDERS:

  • Educated With Website Guides and Resources

  • Informed through Free Webinar Series

  • Hosted Free Drop-in Consultation Groups

  • Led Educational Trainings, Presentations, and Seminars

  • Provided Free Brochures and Materials

HOW WE ENGAGE PARENTS:

  • Connection through Social Media

  • Education Through Webinars

  • Email Newsletter

  • Extensive YouTube Channel

  • Healing In-Person Retreats

  • Informative Website Guides

  • Inspiration from our Stories of HOPE Blog

  • Meaningful Workshops

  • Transformative Virtual Support Groups

Shianne GundersenStory of HopeComment