Amy, Spreading HOPE for Gianna Rose
Amy Kovacs, sharing her story in memory of Gianna Rose
“Where there is life, there is hope.” That quote once carried me through life’s challenges, giving me the strength to persevere. But everything changed after I became pregnant with our rainbow baby following a miscarriage. Anxiety filled much of the pregnancy, but by 25 weeks, I allowed myself to hope and prepare for her arrival. Then, on her due date, the unimaginable happened—Gianna got stuck during labor. She was deprived of oxygen, and after six agonizing hours of pushing, she was born brain-dead. Four days later, we made the heartbreaking decision to let her die in our arms. A year-long investigation revealed that medical negligence during my labor and delivery had caused her death.
The quote resurfaced in my mind: “Where there is life, there is hope.”
But what about in death? What happens when no life remains? When the life you carried is ripped away and buried? I felt myself sinking deeper into a black hole without light, life, hope, or meaning. That’s what it feels like to have your child permanently taken from you.
Yet, as black holes shrink over time, so did my grief. With the support of my husband, therapist, and friends, I actively processed the trauma. I sought solace in nature, joined support groups, and found ways to honor Gianna. Slowly, I began to feel alive again. Suffering had opened me to a more profound empathy, vulnerability, and courage.
Though Gianna is gone, I am still here. I realized I needed to live the life she would want for me—not just to survive, but to thrive. While the pain of losing a child never fully heals, we learn to integrate their memory and existence into our lives. We emerge with hope, a testament to their life’s meaning and the possibility of beauty arising from our pain.
Gianna transformed me in profound ways, and I accessed that change through the healing power of therapy. Now, as I complete my master's program in counseling, I hope to guide others through their grief, just as my therapist did for me. Though her life was short, Gianna's impact lives on through my work and the people she continues to touch. In that way, her legacy endures, and within that legacy, there is hope.
The RTZ retreat I attended two years after Gianna's death was a meaningful milestone on my healing journey.”
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Our HOPEtober annual event honors all losses on the journey to parenthood.
Even though so many of us have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, or know someone who has, it is a loss that exists in the shadows. As bereaved parents, we feel isolated and alone. But together, we can shine a light on pregnancy and infant loss, helping others to live a life that holds both grief and joy.
HOPEtober Luminaries partner with us during the month of October to be an advocate and ambassador in spreading awareness and shining a light on pregnancy and infant loss. By sharing our stories we’re bringing awareness to pregnancy and infant loss, as well as the resources and support that exist through Return to Zero: Hope. As a nonprofit, raising awareness and funds are essential to our cause and support programs.
We'd be grateful if you you would consider making a contribution to RTZ HOPE. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.
This year our goal is to raise $75,000 during the month of October so that we can continue spread hope and healing by providing resources and support to grieving families and their care providers.
Thank you for helping to shatter the silence around pregnancy & infant loss.