Hold The Rope, a Poem by Kristen Rademacher
Kristen Rademacher, Sharing Hope in Honor of Carly’s 20th Birthday
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I lost my daughter in my 41st week of pregnancy. Hers was a stillbirth. I marked her 20th birthday recently, and as I always do on her special day, I imagined what she might be like had she lived. She would be a young woman by now! I also reflect on my grief journey and how it changed over time. This poem is a snapshot of my experience with grief.
Hold the Rope
by Kristen Rademacher
January 2024
Hold the rope, my love.
Tie one end around my waist as I descend into
The Well.
Don’t let me go down too deep,
Or stay too long,
Or slip out of sight.
Keep watch at the rim, your strong hands tethered to the rope,
Tethered to me.
My heart is sore today.
I wince at the light,
I shrink and recoil from the hum of the living.
But The Well is dark and still.
My bruised soul craves its cocoon of solitude.
So down The Well I tumble.
My solitary trek,
to be with her,
to allow her absence to fill me.
I remember,
I ache,
My sorrow reverberates.
Pinned beneath the cruel, leaden truth,
The Well reminds me:
This wrecked world teems with death and loss.
Even babies are taken.
I know you worry when The Well calls:
Will I be okay?
Will you hear me?
How long till my return?
But don’t be afraid, my darling.
I know how to walk these sacred grounds.
Insulated from the din and clamor above,
My breath soon steadies,
My chest loosens,
And the quiet finally comforts.
Undistracted by daily tedium,
My child, once torn from me,
Seems close.
I feel her.
She is mine,
I am her mother.
I can see my loss with clarity in The Well.
I touch it, and my heart breaks open anew.
But in the alchemy of my grief,
I release an offering of love for my daughter,
For all those taken too soon,
And for the bereaved left in the wake.
I offer love to this wrecked world, too,
Though it takes without reason,
It also gifts us tender mercies:
Songbirds, daffodils, hope.
So, hold the rope, dear one.
I’ll tug when I’m ready to climb out.
Your caring hands will guide me back to the light.
And your gentle arms will wrap around me while I soak in your warmth,
Your life,
Your love.
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Fifty percent of support group participants received financial support to ensure that all parents have access to services.
Enhanced outreach to and created support services for Black, Indigenous, and other Communities of Color as a response to the alarming rate of preterm births and stillbirths caused by racial disparities in perinatal and infant health.
Offered 50 different support group programs (virtual workshops, virtual support groups, and in-person retreats) to our community of bereaved families.
Supplied our unique perinatal bereavement guides to 400 hospitals and providers to assist in caring for grieving families.
Hosted 10 perinatal bereavement education webinars to parents and providers.
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