Fathers Grieve, Too
Pregnancy and infant loss can affect fathers in many different ways. Whether you've experienced infertility, miscarriage, ending a wanted pregnancy, stillbirth, or the death of an infant, your experience matters, and your grief deserves to be acknowledged.
Fathers may feel pressure to stay strong, support their partner, or put their own emotions aside. Others may find that their grief looks different from what people expect.
There is no single way for fathers to grieve. You deserve space to process your experience and support that recognizes your loss.
*We note that this page uses the words “man,” “men,” or “father.” This is not intended to be exclusionary. We recognize that different categories of people, including cisgender men, cisgender women, transgender women, and people who are non-binary, will identify as “partner” and have created a page on Partner’s Unique Grief here.
Why Fathers' Grief May Go Unrecognized
Following pregnancy or infant loss, much of the attention and support may be directed toward the person who was pregnant. While this care is important, fathers may find that their own grief is overlooked or unacknowledged.
Several factors can contribute to this experience:
Pressure to be strong: Fathers may feel expected to support their partner or family while setting aside their own needs.
Different expressions of grief: Some fathers express grief through emotions, while others may focus on tasks, work, or practical responsibilities.
Limited opportunities for support: Friends, family members, and healthcare professionals may not ask fathers how they are coping.
Difficulty sharing emotions: Cultural expectations or personal experiences may make it difficult to talk openly about grief.
Grief that changes over time: Some fathers experience intense emotions immediately, while others notice their grief becoming more apparent later.
There is no single way to grieve. Your experience does not need to look like anyone else's to be valid.
Common Grief Responses
Grief can affect your emotions, thoughts, body, and daily routines. Some fathers experience intense emotions, while others may feel numb, disconnected, or unsure how to express what they're feeling.
You may experience:
Emotional changes: Sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, irritability, or numbness
Difficulty concentrating: Forgetfulness, trouble making decisions, or feeling distracted
Physical responses: Fatigue, headaches, changes in appetite, or difficulty sleeping
Changes in relationships: Withdrawing from others, feeling disconnected, or experiencing tension with a partner
Changes in daily activities: Working more, staying busy, or finding it difficult to engage in usual routines
Reminders of your loss: Unexpected waves of grief, distressing memories, or strong reactions to certain dates or experiences
You may recognize some of these responses, all of them, or none of them. Grief is individual, and your experience may change over time.
What Can Be Helpful When You've Experienced a Loss?
There is no single way to navigate grief. Different types of support and coping strategies may be helpful at different times.
Emotional Support and Connection
Individual counseling — create space to process your own emotions.
Couples counseling — can improve communication and help you better understand your partner's journey.
Connecting with your partner (mutual massage, a 2-minute hug, couples yoga).
Seeking social support (pre-existing social networks or faith communities).
Attending a bereavement support group.
Taking Care of Yourself
Spending time outdoors.
Exercising regularly, as you're able.
Getting enough sleep.
Eating nutritious foods.
Finding Balance
Setting time limits and boundaries for work.
You may find some of these suggestions helpful and others less relevant. Choose what feels supportive for you.
Mental Health After Loss
Pregnancy and infant loss can affect fathers' mental health. Depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress can occur following a loss, even when fathers do not openly express their emotional distress.
Some important things to know about paternal mental health:
Fathers can experience depression and anxiety during the perinatal period, including after a pregnancy or infant loss.
A prior history of depression or anxiety may increase the risk of experiencing mental health challenges.
Fathers may experience trauma-related symptoms following a difficult diagnosis, birth, or the death of their baby.
Mental health challenges may affect relationships, sleep, work, and daily functioning.
When additional support may help
Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if you are experiencing persistent feelings of hopelessness, overwhelming anxiety, intrusive memories, increased substance use, or difficulty managing daily life.
You do not need to wait until things become overwhelming to seek support. Individual counseling, couples counseling, and bereavement support groups can all provide opportunities for connection and healing.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, immediate support is available. In the U.S., call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Conversations with Bereaved Fathers
Fathers' experiences of pregnancy and infant loss are often overlooked. In these panel discussions, bereaved fathers share their personal experiences of grief, relationships, and finding support after loss.
Every father's experience is different. We hope these conversations help you feel less alone in yours.
Additional Support for Fathers
Every father's experience is different. The resources below are not created or facilitated by Return to Zero: HOPE, but may be helpful as you explore what support feels right for you.
Finding Support
You don't have to navigate grief alone. Whether you're looking to connect with others who understand, explore additional resources, or hear from other bereaved parents, RTZ HOPE is here when you're ready.
Explore Our Support Programs — Support groups, workshops, and opportunities for connection.
Read Stories of HOPE — Personal stories shared by bereaved parents.