Ending a Wanted Pregnancy

You have made the heartbreaking decision to end a wanted pregnancy. Whether you terminated your pregnancy for your own health or because your baby received a life-limiting or fatal diagnosis, we know that this is a completely devastating decision to make. We are so sorry and want you to know that you are not alone.

You may be experiencing a wide range of emotions, thoughts, and physical changes. There is no "right" way to grieve. Whatever you are feeling, your experience is valid.

WHAT COMES NEXT

• THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO GIVE BIRTH

  • Medication: Medication can be taken by mouth or placed vaginally, either at home or in an outpatient setting, to help your uterus contract and begin the birth process. Cramping and bleeding are expected and may range from heavy menstrual-like symptoms to labor contractions. Your care team can discuss pain management and support options with you.

  • Dilation and Curettage (D&C): A D&C is a procedure typically performed during the first trimester. It is usually done under anesthesia and involves gently opening the cervix and removing pregnancy tissue from the uterus. This option may be recommended based on gestational age, medical considerations, and personal preference.

  • Dilation and Evacuation (D&E): A D&E is a procedure commonly performed during the second trimester and may take place over several days. It is usually done under anesthesia and involves gently opening the cervix and removing pregnancy tissue from the uterus. Depending on gestational age and facility policies, some families may be able to request keepsakes such as handprints or footprints. Your care team can also discuss options for cremation, burial, or other memorial arrangements if desired.

  • Labor and delivery: Medication is given vaginally or through an IV to start contractions and labor. This option allows you to experience the birth process and may provide opportunities to spend time with your baby, create memories, and involve loved ones in ways that feel meaningful to you.

• YOUR BIRTHING OPTIONS MAY VARY

  The options available to you will depend on several factors, including your stage of pregnancy, healthcare provider, hospital policies, state laws, insurance coverage, and available community resources. While navigating these decisions can feel overwhelming, you do not have to do it alone. A bereavement doula, social worker, or other support professional may be able to provide guidance, emotional support, and advocacy throughout the process.

  • Access to Care
    Not all healthcare providers offer every pregnancy management option. Depending on your circumstances, you may be referred to another provider or facility that can offer the care that best meets your needs.

  • Availability of D&E Services
    Dilation and Evacuation (D&E) services may only be available at certain facilities, particularly later in pregnancy. If you receive a diagnosis later in gestation, you may need to travel to access this option.

  • Travel and Legal Considerations
    Some families may need to travel significant distances or, in some cases, to another state to receive the care they choose. Coordinating travel, appointments, finances, and support can add additional stress during an already difficult time. These barriers can leave families feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and unsupported as they navigate decisions surrounding a deeply wanted pregnancy.

COMMON RESPONSES AFTER LOSS

Grief affects both the mind and body. Everyone's experience is unique, and you may experience some, all, or none of the responses listed below. There is no "right" way to grieve.

• EMOTIONAL

  • Sadness, anxiety, anger, irritability, or mood changes

  • Feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame, or insecurity

  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

  • Memory changes or feeling mentally "foggy"

  • Recurring thoughts about your baby or the loss

  • Flashbacks to medical appointments, diagnosis, labor, or birth

  • Feeling disconnected, numb, or detached from reality

  • Increased anxiety around healthcare visits or future pregnancies

  • Avoiding people, places, events, or situations that remind you of your loss

  • Difficulty finding joy in activities you once enjoyed

  • Feeling isolated or misunderstood by others

• PHYSICAL

  • Fatigue or feeling physically drained

  • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep

  • Racing heart, rapid breathing, or feeling on edge

  • Changes in appetite, including eating more or less than usual

  • Weight gain or weight loss

  • Nausea, upset stomach, or digestive changes

  • Headaches, muscle tension, or body aches

  • Postpartum sweats or temperature changes

  • Breast tenderness, milk production (lactation), or engorgement

  • Uterine cramping and vaginal bleeding during physical recovery

  • Low energy or difficulty completing daily activities

WHAT CAN BE HELPFUL

• IN THE DAYS AND WEEKS AHEAD

  There is no right or wrong way to honor your baby. Consider what feels meaningful and supportive for you and your family.

  • Create memories and keepsakes by naming your baby, saying their name, requesting handprints or footprints (if available), and saving meaningful items such as ultrasound images, clothing, or special mementos.

  • Honor your baby in a meaningful way through personal rituals, cultural or spiritual practices, a memorial service, cremation, burial, or another form of remembrance that feels right for you.

  • Care for yourself physically by prioritizing rest, hydration, nourishment, and gentle movement as you recover.

  • Accept support from others by asking family and friends for help with meals, childcare, household tasks, errands, or other daily needs.

• IN THE MONTHS AHEAD

  Grief does not have a timeline. As you move forward, you may find comfort in some of the following:

  • Stay connected to support by sharing your baby's story with trusted family and friends, joining a pregnancy loss support group, or seeking support from a bereavement professional.

  • Care for your emotional and physical well-being by prioritizing rest, nourishing your body, engaging in self-care, and setting boundaries with social media when needed.

  • Find meaningful ways to honor your baby through journaling, creating a memorial space, celebrating important dates, making a donation in their name, or continuing traditions that help you feel connected to them.

  • Maintain your bond with your baby in ways that feel meaningful to you. Many parents find comfort in speaking their baby's name, displaying keepsakes, writing letters, or finding personal ways to remember their baby.

  • Prepare for significant dates, such as your due date, anniversaries, or holidays, which may bring up strong emotions. Consider making a plan for how you would like to spend those days and who you would like to have around you.

SHARING YOUR STORY

There is no right or wrong time to share your story. You can choose when, how, and with whom you share your experience. Some parents find comfort in talking openly, while others prefer to share only with a few trusted people.

As you navigate your grief, it may feel safest to begin sharing in a supportive environment, such as a support group, with a bereavement professional, or with trusted family and friends. Give yourself permission to share only what feels right for you.

RESOURCES

Online resources
Ending a Wanted Pregnancy
TFMR Psychologist (with an international directory of providers)

Instagram accounts
TFMR Ireland
TFMR Mamas
TFMR Psychologist
TFMR Social Worker
TFMR Support Group
The TFMR Doula
Time to Talk TFMR
LMC Bereavement Support

Facebook groups
TFMR, A Loving Choice
TFMR Dad’s Group