Dr. Rubin Cockrell, Spreading HOPE for Lorenzo
Ambassador Dr. Rubin Cockrell, Fundriaisng in memory of Lorenzo Michael Cockrell
“DEATH of a CHILD…….
On January 27th, 2022, our son, Lorenzo Michael Cockrell, was born with his eyes closed. He was 38 weeks and 2 days. He weighed 9 pounds 3oz and 20.5 inches. This has been the HARDEST aspect of my LIFE that I don’t wish upon anyone. I have often cried with a heart shattered into pieces working to pick them up daily.
Dealing with the loss of a stillborn child is an incredibly painful and challenging experience for any parent. While every individual's journey is unique, there are several lessons that many fathers learn as they cope with this tragedy:
1. Grief is a personal journey: Everyone grieves differently. It's essential to understand that your grief process may be distinct from your partner's or anyone else's. Be patient and supportive of each other's coping mechanisms.
2. Open communication is crucial: Sharing your feelings and experiences with your partner can help both of you navigate the grief process. Being open and honest about your emotions, fears, and struggles can strengthen your relationship during this difficult time.
3. Seek support: Don't hesitate to lean on friends, family, or a support group. Many parents find solace in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses. Sharing your feelings and experiences with those who understand can be incredibly comforting.
4. Take care of your mental health: Grief can take a toll on your mental well-being. It's important to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed. Therapy or counseling can provide you with tools to manage your grief and find ways to move forward.
5. Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and it's normal to experience a range of emotions, from anger and guilt to sadness and numbness. Don't rush the grieving process. Allow yourself the time and space to mourn your loss at your own pace.
6. Memorialize your child: Some fathers find comfort in creating a memorial or tribute to their stillborn child. This might involve naming the child, holding a memorial service, or participating in charitable activities in their honor.
7. Accept that there is no "right" way to grieve: There is no universal roadmap for grief. What works for one person may not work for another. It's important to do what feels right for you, whether that means seeking counseling, journaling, or finding other creative ways to express your emotions.
8. Know that your child was loved: Your love for your stillborn child is real, and the bond you formed during pregnancy is significant. Your child's memory lives on in your heart and the love you continue to feel for them.
9. Honor your child's existence: It's common to feel that your child's existence was too short, but acknowledging their existence can be an important part of the healing process. Share your child's story with those close to you and keep their memory alive.
10. Be prepared for triggers: Grief can be triggered by unexpected reminders. Understand that certain events, places, or dates may bring back intense feelings of loss. It's okay to acknowledge these triggers and cope with them as they arise.
Dealing with the loss of a stillborn child is one of the most painful experiences a parent can go through. While these lessons can offer guidance, remember that everyone's journey through grief is unique, and it's important to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this challenging process.
Having resources in place for parents navigating loss, especially the loss of a child, is of paramount importance for several reasons:
1. Grief Support: The loss of a child, whether due to stillbirth, miscarriage, or infant death, is an emotionally devastating experience. Grief can be overwhelming, and having resources such as support groups, counselors, and therapists can help parents process their emotions and cope with their grief.
2. Validation and Understanding: These resources can validate parents' feelings and experiences. Grief can be a complex and isolating journey, and knowing that there are others who have gone through similar experiences can provide a sense of understanding and connection.
3. Mental Health: The loss of a child can have a profound impact on parents' mental health. It can lead to conditions like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Professional help can address these mental health issues and provide strategies for healing.
4. Communication and Relationships: Grief can strain relationships, especially between partners. Having resources that help parents communicate and support each other during this challenging time can be crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
5. Coping Mechanisms: These resources can provide parents with coping strategies and tools to deal with their grief, including techniques for managing overwhelming emotions, stress, and triggers.
6. Memorialization: Resources can guide parents on ways to create memorials or tributes for their child, helping them honor the memory of their loved one and find comfort in the process.
7. Community and Connection: Support groups and communities of parents who have experienced similar losses can offer a sense of belonging and connection. These networks can provide a safe space for parents to share their experiences and offer emotional support.
8. Preventing Isolation: Grief can lead to feelings of isolation. Having resources in place ensures that parents do not have to go through this journey alone. They can access help, connect with others, and feel less isolated.
9. Education: Resources can provide information and education about the grieving process, the medical aspects of the loss, and how to navigate the legal and administrative procedures associated with child loss. Understanding these aspects can be empowering and reduce uncertainty.
10. Preventive Measures: Some resources can help parents prevent or manage complications such as depression or anxiety, which can have long-term effects if left untreated.
11. Awareness and Advocacy: Resources can contribute to raising awareness about the importance of supporting parents dealing with loss. They can also advocate for policy changes and better healthcare practices related to perinatal care and bereavement support.
In summary, resources for parents dealing with loss are essential for providing emotional, mental, and practical support during one of life's most challenging experiences. These resources offer a lifeline, help parents navigate the grieving process, and contribute to the healing and recovery of individuals and families affected by the loss of a child.”
Pregnancy and infant loss is an unique type of loss, leaving the grievers to feel isolated and unsure of how to move forward. We'd be grateful if you you would consider making a contribution to Dr. Rubin Cockrell’s fundraiser in honor of Lorenzo. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.
With your support, here’s what we were able to accomplish during 2022 (2022 Annual Report):
Fifty percent of support group participants received financial support to ensure that all parents have access to services.
Enhanced outreach to and created support services for Black, Indigenous, and other Communities of Color as a response to the alarming rate of preterm births and stillbirths caused by racial disparities in perinatal and infant health.
Offered 50 different support group programs (virtual workshops, virtual support groups, and in-person retreats) to our community of bereaved families.
Supplied our unique perinatal bereavement guides to 400 hospitals and providers to assist in caring for grieving families.
Hosted 10 perinatal bereavement education webinars to parents and providers.
Created community and spread awareness about pregnancy and infant loss through social media.