Kristie, Spreading HOPE for Iris
Ambassador Kristie Hernandez, Fundraising in memory of Iris Reyna Rios
“October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
Stillbirth affects 1 in 160 pregnancies; and each year 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States. That's 24,000 families scarred for life.
Never did I think this month would take on such a different meaning for me...
I'm a very private person when it comes to personal matters. However, at my core, I'm an advocate. That's why today, I'm sharing my story to build awareness on a topic that remains stigmatized and leads many parents into isolation, loneliness and silent grief - the topic of pregnancy and infant loss. Suffering the unimaginable loss of your child is soul crushing, a life changing experience that lasts for a lifetime.
This past year has been THE most difficult year of my entire life. No words can truly express the intense pain, grief, trauma and sadness that overshadows your everyday life when your child dies. You truly feel like no one can relate.
In January of 2022 my husband and I learned we were expecting our first child, a baby girl. She brought so much joy and love to our lives and to our family, even before she came into this world. We were considered a "low-risk" pregnancy, everything was "text book" - she was due September 14th. One awful Sunday night, that immense and profound love we have for our daughter transcended into an immense tsunami of piercing pain, disbelief and anguish when we learned her little heart had stopped beating in my womb. A tidal wave of darkness shattered our world and drowned our hopes, our dreams and aspirations for our daughter and our future as a family on this earth. A cruel and harsh reminder that life is not fair. Robbed of the opportunity to be parents to Iris on this earth and to hold her in our arms for our lifetime. Our hearts, our home and our village were so ready to receive her. I will never understand why this happened - medically, emotionally or spiritually. It's a daily struggle.
Child loss is devastating, we should not have to suffer alone or in silence. RTZ HOPE helped me connect with other bereaved parents and find my voice after loss - by sharing our stories we honor our babies and our journeys.
RTZ HOPE provided me and my husband with online resources, information and hope to build community even in our darkest days. This included individual and couples support groups. The most meaningful was the bereaved mothers retreat earlier this year in May of 2023.
Learning about RTZ HOPE provided us with a community we had no idea existed until we were faced with this tragic and life changing loss. The support groups provided us with a safe space to grieve, acknowledge our angel babies and help navigate our grief. It helped make us feel less alone at a time when our world had been turned upside down. I really appreciate the couples support groups offered because it creates space for our partners/fathers/non-birthing parents who are also suffering - and that was important for me because those resources are limited. Thanks to the bereaved mothers retreat, our cohort of mothers created a virtual chat and we have stayed in touch ever since. This group of resilient mothers have become friends and a life line of hope, love, support and empathy as we navigate our individual (and overlapping) journeys of loss, healing and perseverance.”
Pregnancy and infant loss is an unique type of loss, leaving the grievers to feel isolated and unsure of how to move forward. We'd be grateful if you you would consider making a contribution to Kristie’s fundraiser in honor of Iris. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.
With your support, here’s what we were able to accomplish during 2022 (2022 Annual Report):
Fifty percent of support group participants received financial support to ensure that all parents have access to services.
Enhanced outreach to and created support services for Black, Indigenous, and other Communities of Color as a response to the alarming rate of preterm births and stillbirths caused by racial disparities in perinatal and infant health.
Offered 50 different support group programs (virtual workshops, virtual support groups, and in-person retreats) to our community of bereaved families.
Supplied our unique perinatal bereavement guides to 400 hospitals and providers to assist in caring for grieving families.
Hosted 10 perinatal bereavement education webinars to parents and providers.
Created community and spread awareness about pregnancy and infant loss through social media.
“Our hearts remain heavy knowing our little Iris is no longer physically with us. When I carried her in my womb for almost 37 weeks I knew she was destined to become someone special, but never did we imagine she would become so perfect, she would gain her heavenly wings before we could hold her in our arms. After learning that Iris' heart had stopped beating, I was induced and 19 hours later gave birth to our precious Goddess of Rainbows. Iris came into this world peacefully asleep, a stillborn, on August 22, 2022. I was overwhelmed with immense love and profound sadness - Iris you are and always will be my most precious and beautiful creation. 🌈
For Anthony and I, leaving the hospital with empty arms was the worst and most traumatic day of our lives. Society and the medical field never prepares you for this potential and very real unhappy ending. The shame, the emptiness, the pain, the disbelief, the harrowing sadness was unbearable - it still is.
Planning Iris' memorial services was the MOST difficult event I have EVER had to plan - and I have planned many events in my day. It would be the only event we would plan for her while she was physically with us. No one should ever have to bury their infant - it is beyond cruel!
The tears keep flowing, even when I think I have no more tears left. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Going back out into the world has been a slow and very triggering process. There are constant hurtful reminders that Iris is not with us; that we are invisible parents to the world because we have no child to show for; that our lives could have been much different. Everyday I yearn to hold my daughter in my arms, the daily sorrow sits heavy.
Thank you to our village who has shown us grace, patience, understanding and above all LOVE. Your love has carried us through the darkest days of our lives. Our journey of loss and healing continues. Thank you for helping us to honor Iris and keep her memory alive - the greatest gift we can receive as bereaved parents. 💖
Iris, Chiquitita Preciosa, our angel baby, we miss you and love you dearly - beyond words. We will continue to parent you and honor you everyday of our lives, until our last breaths on this earth.
"Some people only dream of angels, we held one in our arms."
Besitos y abrazos,
Mama & Papa”