Aubrey, Spreading HOPE for Elliana
Ambassador Aubrey Wyman, fundraising in memory of Elliana
“As an RN I was told to get the Covid vaccine or lose my job. The requirement of vaccines were early on in my pregnancy. I was forced to lose my insurance for not only me, but my children as well… and dedicated myself to the same organization for 7 years. I begged the company and my OB to give me an exemption, at least until I gave birth. Everyone refused… with a 1 year old at home, and a planned c-section, I had to do what I thought was best for my family. I bit the bullet and got the vaccine. It was about 6 weeks later that I started having complications in my pregnancy. I was in and out of my OB office every other week because I felt like something was off.. but only to be sent home telling me everything was fine. I was due in March of 22, but knew that I was going to deliver early. The thought didn’t cross my mind that we wouldn’t be bringing our daughter home. On January 30, 2022 I had my husband take me to the hospital because I had been having contractions all day. When I went in to get checked, I was 7 centimeters dilated and my water was about to break. After 30 minutes of pushing, I begged for a c-section. My body was so tired from the weeks leading up to birth. When hooking me up to the monitors to prepare me for the surgery, they noticed my daughters heart rate rapidly dropping. My epidural had dislodged, and there was no time to sedate me. I felt every cut, pull, and tug during my c-section. The nurse was jumping on my stomach trying to get Ellie out. They had no idea she was so swollen… no one knew she had hydrops. She was born with her heart rate in the 40’s, but unable to be revived. Four minutes on earth and four minutes my husband watched them preform cpr on her, she left this earth. My placenta was clotted and enlarged. My baby was gone. And it was my fault. I sat inside my hospital room for four days… holding her. Screaming, crying, wailing. I didn’t care who heard me. I had just lost a child. I wasn’t strong enough to handle this. The guilt stays with me that I “killed” my child. I got the vaccine. The same vaccine that is showing now a year and a half later that it does in fact cause issues for pregnant women. I live with that guilt. A year and a half later I now have another daughter… who lived but was born 30 weeks prematurely. I was told now that I cannot carry anymore children.
There is hope in recovering from child loss. Grief is the most frustrating emotion because it’s so inconsistent. I still have days where I feel trapped in a box, unable to get out. But I’m alive and trying to find out what “thriving” means. Thriving used to mean making good money, being out of debt, supporting my family, and having a good relationship with my husband. Now it means being able to get out of bed every day, to be able to cook again, and to be able to leave my house without having a panic attack. Child loss at any stage is so hard. But there is hope even on the days where you are hopeless.
It is incredibly helpful to sit with women who have the same grief you have. The thing that was the most helpful was being around women who have experienced a similar experience. RTZ was there when no one else knew what to say.”
Pregnancy and infant loss is an unique type of loss, leaving the grievers to feel isolated and unsure of how to move forward. We'd be grateful if you you would consider making a contribution to RTZ HOPE. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.
With your support, here’s what we were able to accomplish during 2022 (2022 Annual Report):
Fifty percent of support group participants received financial support to ensure that all parents have access to services.
Enhanced outreach to and created support services for Black, Indigenous, and other Communities of Color as a response to the alarming rate of preterm births and stillbirths caused by racial disparities in perinatal and infant health.
Offered 50 different support group programs (virtual workshops, virtual support groups, and in-person retreats) to our community of bereaved families.
Supplied our unique perinatal bereavement guides to 400 hospitals and providers to assist in caring for grieving families.
Hosted 10 perinatal bereavement education webinars to parents and providers.
Created community and spread awareness about pregnancy and infant loss through social media.