Eleanor’s Light: Finding Hope in Shared Grief By Joe Collins
When my wife, Courteney, and I lost our daughter, Eleanor, in November 2024, our world got really small. Many people who we called close friends before Eleanor was born, were suddenly totally distant or absent from our lives. Grief is something that I’ve learned is really hard for most people to sit in unless they have felt the magnitude of loss and pain themselves.
Courteney and I had always been very social, outgoing people but our relationships, and desire for relationships, changed immensely. We joined the inaugural RTZ couples group that began in January 2025. Courteney had done RTZ birthing parent groups, but we hadn’t done any group focused work together. It was daunting to me to think about joining a group of people who had gone through similar experiences. I was worried about hearing their heartbreaking stories and having to share my own. The level of vulnerability was something that I had never faced before. Meeting a whole cohort full of strangers who had also had their worlds come crashing down turned out to be more beneficial than I can put into words.
Our group was really special from the onset, full of people who so deeply loved their babies and so willing to love and support a set of random people. I felt so seen, so understood. My hurt, my struggles with understanding, my range of emotions, was validated and understood so immediately in a way that made me feel so authentically known.
I was sad that the couples group was so short and the sessions that held space for our babies, created so much deep conversation between Courteney and myself, and introduced so many new friends, was coming to an end. Thankfully, this group of special people all collectively agreed to continue a group text and monthly virtually get togethers.
This group became more than a support group, these people quickly became some of our closest friends. People who understood the weight of loss without having to explain it. Our virtual unstructured meetings led to an idea of meeting in person. At first, we had no idea how or when or where to get this to happen but we were determined. Finally, we agreed upon an informal “retreat” near San Diego over a long weekend. We booked a large AirBnB to all be together and had very few things planned other than to just be in the same space and share the love for our babies with each other. It was a bizarre feeling meeting people who I knew and knew me so deeply for the first time. 2 inch Zoom squares don’t ever do justice to what someone actually looks like in person. I feel like I’ve known these people forever because they know the story of the joy of my beautiful daughter and our darkest time of losing her.
I feel so honored to be able to share Eleanor’s story and love with so many other families
that I’m proud to call friends, and to cherish their families as well.
Finding Healing and Strength Through RTZ Hope
We shared laughs, we shared tears. We all wished nothing more than to have never known this group of people, to have our babies living instead, but we were all comforted by this community. We got to know more about each other than just our losses.
This was probably the first time after Eleanor had passed that I felt happiness in knowing new people and being social. Nothing felt forced. We were all allowed to smile and feel some joy without the need of adding a caveat or disclaimer that we were still profoundly sad about our losses. We all knew the difficulties of balancing emotions and holding so many contradicting feelings at once. We were able to hang out and be our genuine selves, even if that self is different than it was before Eleanor was born.
As a group, we found a balance of sacred occasions like a sound bath, memorial candle lighting, and sharing of our loss story details with games, jokes, and community. Even difficult occasions like a hostess at dinner asking how we all knew each other became a powerful opportunity to share our connection through loss, and then have a laugh about how awkward it was when we got to our table. I truly believe I have a new set of lifelong friends who have the capacity to understand me better than anyone else, who hasn’t experienced similar loss.
I’m immeasurably grateful for RTZ creating a platform for people to share grief and find community, especially for couples. I know as I continue my journey in life with Courteney and Eleanor, I have a support system that I can lean on to always be there and always care about my family. The opportunity to meet such special families from around the nation and to get to have a memorable, healing weekend together is something I never imagined I would have again.
You can help make sure no one walks this path alone.
Pregnancy and infant loss is a deeply personal grief, often isolating those who are mourning. At RTZ Hope, we walk alongside bereaved parents, offering compassionate support, meaningful resources, and a community that understands. Your donation helps us continue this vital work—ensuring that families facing unimaginable loss don’t have to do it alone.
Will you join us in offering hope and healing?
With your support in 2024 (Annual Report) RTZ Hope continued to fulfill our mission of serving bereaved parents and the healthcare providers who support them through a variety of free and reduced fee programs and offerings.
Support Programs
At RTZ Hope, we walk alongside parents in their darkest moments, offering a lifeline of compassion, understanding, and hope. Since 2020, our virtual services have provided over 1,500 families with guidance when life feels out of control and every step feels impossible. Since 2014, our in-person retreats have held space for over 400 women, creating sacred moments of connection and healing in the wake of profound loss. In 2024 we supported more than 600 bereaved parents and provided $7000 in support scholarships.
Provider Education
Provider interactions during pregnancy and infant loss have a lifelong impact on a family’s healing and wellbeing. We partner with health professionals to ensure they have the training, emotional support, and resources they need to confidently care for families at one of the most tragic moments of their journey towards parenthood. In 2024 we led 28 training and education events and reached over 5000 perinatal loss providers.
