Children’s Grief

parents
Written by Guest User

Navigating grief with children whose sibling has died can be overwhelming, especially when you are grieving yourself.

However much you are able, try to keep lines of communication open as you grieve together. Children are perceptive and may be aware of your feelings. Being open and honest in age-appropriate ways can help your children feel more comfortable sharing how they are feeling, too.

We hope the following information and suggestions will help guide you in supporting your children through their grief.

Understanding How Children Grieve

  • Children may worry about mortality, both their own and that of those they love, when someone close to them dies.

  • Some children may experience regressive behaviors, including:

    • Difficulty sleeping, eating, or concentrating

    • Difficulty going to school or getting back to a routine

    • Clinging to one or both parents or caregivers

    • Withdrawing

  • Siblings may grieve “what should have been.”

    • Younger children may find it helpful to draw a picture of something they would have liked to do with their sibling.

    • Older children may find it helpful to write about their sibling or write them a letter.

  • Siblings may revisit and reprocess the loss as they mature and grow.

    • Children may benefit from continued opportunities to talk about the loss as time passes.

    • Continue to validate your children's feelings about the loss as they grow into adulthood. Their understanding of the loss and its meaning in their lives may change over time.

    • Provide opportunities for your children to remember their sibling on birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries, if they wish.

Reassure Your Children That…

  • You love them.

  • You love the sibling who died. Your sadness is connected to your love and grief.

  • They did nothing wrong. They did not cause their sibling's death, and they are not responsible for your sadness.

Supporting Your Child Through Grief

Answer Questions Honestly and in Age-Appropriate Ways

  • Children learn by asking questions. When they ask questions about death, it's often because there is something they don't understand. Let them know that all questions are okay to ask.

  • Younger children may not grasp that death is final and may continue to ask about the whereabouts of their sibling. This is normal and not insensitive on their part.

  • Some children may think they caused their sibling's death. Reassure them that they did nothing to cause the death.

  • Encourage children to ask questions and focus on answering them truthfully. Use concrete words like “died” and keep your answers simple.

Communicate With People in Your Child's Life

  • Reach out to your child's teacher or school counselor and explain what happened so they can better support your child while in their care.

  • Provide your child with opportunities to share their feelings. Children may not want to talk about the loss with their parents for fear of making them sadder.

Allow Children to Grieve in Their Own Way

  • Give grieving children choices whenever possible. Having choices allows children to grieve in ways that feel right for them.

  • Children may have a limited tolerance for uncomfortable feelings and may want to be with their friends sooner than you'd expect. This doesn't mean they aren't sad or experiencing grief.

  • Allow your children to choose how and when to participate in remembrance activities. For example, ask if they would like to see or hold their baby sibling who died, when possible and appropriate. Do not force anything on them.

Explore Additional Ways to Support Your Child

  • It may be helpful to find a grief counselor who works specifically with children.

  • Art and play therapy can help facilitate communication about grief.

  • Pet therapy may provide comfort to some children.

  • Consider participating in a remembrance walk or other gathering. Being around children who have also lost a sibling may help your child feel less alone.

Children's Books About Grief and Loss

Books can help children explore feelings, ask questions, and better understand death and grief. Some books address pregnancy and infant loss specifically, while others explore grief and the death of a loved one more broadly.

The following books may be helpful for families supporting children after the death of a sibling.

Read any picture books or stories before you share them with your child(ren) to screen for messaging and impact.

 

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