Returning to Work After Child Loss
Returning to work after pregnancy or infant loss can feel overwhelming—and, for some, almost impossible to imagine. Workplaces, responsibilities, relationships with colleagues, and the circumstances surrounding a loss can all shape what returning looks and feels like.
There is no single timeline or right way to return. Planning ahead, identifying sources of support, and giving yourself flexibility can help make the transition more manageable.
“I couldn’t fathom having to show up to work and explain what had happened.”
Take the time available to you.
When possible, explore the leave options available through your employer before deciding when to return. Depending on your circumstances and workplace, options may include parental or bereavement leave, short-term disability, paid or unpaid time off, or leave through the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA).
An unexpected loss can mean that the leave you originally planned no longer feels like enough. If you need additional time, consider talking with your employer or human resources department about what options may be available. There is no universal timeline for being ready to return to work after loss.
Plan ahead for your return.
Returning to work can bring anxiety, sadness, fear, and uncertainty. Keeping the lines of communication open with your employer and making a plan for your return may help some of the transition feel more manageable.
If possible, consider what timing makes the most sense for you. Planning a future vacation, day off, or other opportunity for rest can also give you something to look toward when work feels overwhelming.
Test the waters.
Sometimes one of the hardest parts of returning is simply walking back into a place you have not been since before your loss.
If possible, consider visiting your workplace before your official return. Seeing your workspace, reconnecting with trusted co-workers, or simply becoming familiar with the environment again may help ease some of the anxiety.
You may also want to send an email before returning, talk with your supervisor about what colleagues should know, or explore whether you can gradually ease back into your regular schedule.
If co-workers, clients, students, or others at work knew about your pregnancy or baby, consider whether you would like someone else to communicate what happened before you return. Having a trusted supervisor or colleague share this information can reduce the burden of repeatedly explaining your loss yourself.
Have a support system in place.
Returning to work does not mean leaving your grief at home. Difficult moments can arise unexpectedly, and having someone you trust at work can make a meaningful difference.
Consider identifying a “work buddy”—a co-worker, supervisor, or friend you can contact when grief unexpectedly surfaces. This person might provide a listening ear, step in when you need a few minutes away, or simply understand why a particular day is harder than others. Support from people who have also experienced pregnancy or infant loss may be especially meaningful.
Having a “backup plan” or “exit strategy” ready for when things don’t go as planned, can also help to decrease anxiety.
Seek outside or professional support.
Professional and peer support can also be helpful before and after returning to work. Therapy, support groups, and other grief resources can provide space to process grief while also helping you develop strategies for navigating anxiety, sadness, and other emotions that may arise during the workday.
Seeking support before returning may also help you identify what you need, recognize potential triggers, and develop a plan for particularly difficult moments.
Trust your instincts.
You may be surprised by the kindness and support you receive when you return to work. At the same time, there will likely be difficult days or moments when you feel like you simply cannot make it through the day.
When possible, consider what options might be available on those days. Could you work from home? Adjust your schedule? Step outside or find a private space for a few minutes? Call someone you trust? Leave early if you need to?
Knowing you have a backup plan can make returning to your regular routine feel a little less overwhelming.
Go easy on yourself and be gentle with yourself. Returning to work is an adjustment, and things will not always go according to plan.
Make changes when you need to.
Everyone’s experience is unique as they navigate returning to work after pregnancy or infant loss. A workplace that once felt comfortable may feel different after loss. You may also discover that your needs, priorities, or capacity have changed.
If your work environment is not offering the support you need or is contributing to additional stress and anxiety, it is okay to consider making a change. That might mean requesting different responsibilities, changing your schedule, establishing new boundaries, exploring accommodations, or, for some people, considering a different workplace altogether.
Grief and healing do not follow a straight line or a prescribed set of steps—and neither does returning to work. It is about trusting your own feelings, grieving at your own pace, advocating for what you need, and doing what feels right for you.
Originally written by Caitlin Mogg and adapted by Return to Zero: HOPE for this resource.
WEBINAR: Kelly McDrye discusses the traditional social norms that make returning to work difficult and explores ways for employers and colleagues to make it a “softer landing” for bereaved parents.