Navigating When Others Are Pregnant
Feelings you may have about others being pregnant after your loss.
After the loss of your pregnancy or baby, you will likely encounter someone else who is pregnant, whether it be an acquaintance, friend, or family member. Complex feelings and emotions may arise when you encounter another pregnant person and possibly catch you off guard. However, these feelings are normal for what you’ve been through. Grief is a process that is individual to each person. Your feelings are valid. Give yourself permission to feel these feelings and do what you feel is necessary to take care of yourself.
YOU MAY FEEL:
upset
mad
jealous
despair
anger
hurt
resentment
a feeling of “why me and not them”
There are also the people who were pregnant at the same time you were and now have a living child.
After their baby is born, it could be difficult for you to be around them or their baby.
This baby is a constant reminder of certain milestones you are missing with your own baby.
You may feel pressure to set aside your grief to please others.
Your relationship with that baby may not be the same as other relationships that you have with other children in your life.
These feelings may change or stay the same as time passes.
It may be helpful to give yourself permission to:
opt out of functions that the pregnant person will be attending.
have an exit plan and prepared script if you need to leave a function.
quiet the person’s number on your phone to control when and how you receive texts/calls from them.
hide their social media updates or avoid social media altogether for a period of time.
have another person in your household pick up the mail to avoid seeing baby shower invitations and birth announcements.
How to talk about your boundaries to others:
“You know how much I love you/care for you, but it’s too hard for me to attend this event.”
“I’m going to attend this event, but I might need to leave if it becomes too much. I wanted to let you know ahead of time.”
“Right now, we are taking a step back from social activities to process our immense grief. We will reach out when we are feeling more able to engage with others.”
Making these choices and setting boundaries does not mean that relationships are over, only that they need to change while you process what you have experienced and learn to navigate life after loss. You will never be the same person you were before your loss, and it is okay for relationships to change as a result.
Facing the joy of others' pregnancies and babies after experiencing the loss of your own can be emotionally draining. Seeking support can significantly aid in the processing of your experience, integrating your loss, and even lead to a path of healing. Whether it's joining a support group with those who have experienced similar losses, speaking to a therapist who specializes in grief counseling, or finding solace in creative outlets like writing or art, finding what helps you is a step toward moving forward in your grief journey. Remember, moving forward doesn't mean forgetting; it means finding a way to carry your loss and love in a way that allows you to live fully. Your journey is personal, and how you navigate it is entirely up to you.
Content created by Jennifer Stimpel, edited by RTZ