Do's and Don'ts When Supporting Bereaved Families

The loss of a pregnancy or death of a baby is unlike any other. Though we mean well, sometimes our attempts to comfort a patient in their time of loss causes more heartache. Saying nothing at all can be equally as hurtful.

The following tips are meant to help your words be truly supportive and to alleviate some of the anxiety around "saying the wrong thing" as you care for your patient who has endured the this unimaginable loss.

HURTFUL

• “At least…”

• “Everything happens for a reason”

• “Time heals all wounds”

• “It’s going to be okay”

• “God has a plan”

• “You are young, you can have more children”

• “Be thankful you have other children”

• “Let go, move on”

HELPFUL

• “I am so sorry”

• “I will walk through this with you”

• “You are not alone; I have resources to support you”

• Ask how they want to refer to their pregnancy

• Ask if they named their baby and use the baby's name

• Provide information in different ways (visual, written, spoken)

• Slow down, use layman’s terms, and repeat yourself

• Explain their options and what will happen

• Offer them choices to give them a sense of control

• Tell them who to contact if they have questions

• Provide resources immediately and at follow-up

• Validate, offer empathy, and listen

• Give guidance on how to parent their baby

• Check on the father/partner

• Learn to sit with and become a witness to their grief

AS A PROVIDER

• If you have had your own loss, it can sometimes be helpful to share so that the parents know that you understand.

• It’s okay to cry with the parents, but it’s also important to make sure you are in control of your emotions.

PLEASE DO NOT

• Do not offer cliches

• Do not judge or offer advice

• Do not compare losses

GRIEF IS…

• A normal part of human experience

• Individual to the person grieving

• Influenced by a person's culture and values

• Complex and not linear

• Not on a timeline