Sarah, Spreading HOPE for Lukas Andrés
Ambassador Sarah Liechty, Sharing in memory of Lukas Andrés
“Never ever did we think that we would be living the fertility storm, or typhoon in our case. We married later in life after getting into our careers, traveling, and finding the right one. We’ve been trying to expand our family since April 2019. We are dog parents, but have always wanted a baby. My dream of married by 30 and kids by 35 definitely didn’t happen, but finding the perfect partner was worth the wait. In the 4 ½ years of trying to have a baby, we have suffered through so much loss and heartbreak that no parent should ever experience.
We got pregnant naturally October 2019, and at our 9-week ultrasound—no heartbeat. As our hearts sank, my body would not naturally pass the miscarriage, so I had to undergo two days of misoprostol, and finally a D&C. Our OB recommended a fertility specialist because of our ages and miscarriage—we are considered geriatric. I never really dealt with this horrific miscarriage because time wasn’t on our side. I just wanted to keep moving forward to have a baby.
We went to two fertility clinics for professional opinions. Vials of blood were taken and genetic tests completed. Both clinics recommended we use an egg donor (IVF with my eggs not recommended) due to our ages and low ovarian reserve. Before deciding what to do, we exhausted our options and completed two drug-assisted IUI’s—both failed. Fast forward to March 2021, we were pregnant again naturally, ending in another miscarriage before 9 weeks. Exhausted from monthly ovulation and pregnancy tests and two miscarriages in our first 3 years of marriage, we were heartbroken. It was a huge decision to go with an egg donor, but knowing I could carry a baby and epigenetics made it easier.
We took a chance on a first time donor and got four embryos. I underwent the FET protocol (birth control, Lupron, estrogen, and progesterone…over 100 injections) and our FET was October 2022—we were pregnant on the first transfer! We were able to finally do a gender reveal video—a baby boy due July 16, 2023! Me being a planner, two baby showers were in the making along with baby registry creations. The 14—week ultrasound showed a perfect, beautiful active baby boy!
The evening of February 12, 2023, the typhoon hit land—18 weeks pregnant, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. I then experienced preterm premature rupture of the membrane (PPROM), and I lost ALL amniotic fluid between February 14th and February 17th. Doctor’s encouraged termination, but we fought for Baby Warrior (his new name because he was a true fighter). He had a strong heartbeat and moved a ton, so we hunkered down. My husband took four weeks off work to assist me on bed rest. At 22 weeks, I was admitted to a Seattle Level 4 NICU hospital (2+ hours from home) for daily monitoring. My husband went back to work since I was so far away and visited me once a week.
A little more than six weeks on bed rest and no measurable amniotic fluid, on March 29, Baby Warrior decided it was time to enter the world quickly and I underwent an emergency classical C-section. Lukas Andrés was born (5:31 am, 1 pound 9 ounces,12 ½ inches long)! Our next challenge: NICU parents. Our Warrior made it! He even cried a little (although I was out so I didn’t hear him).
Because of my surgery and pumping, we were encouraged to focus on recovery, so we traveled every other day to visit Lukas. Car rides hurt like heck, but so worth it to see our growing boy. He loved breastmilk and being held. It was quite the event to get to hold him, but once Lukas was in my arms, he was so calm and snuggled right into my chest. I am so thankful that we both were able to hold him and have those special moments with him.
On April 16th 5:30 am, we received a call no parent should ever get: Lukas was really sick and we needed to go. We jumped in the car and sped to Seattle to find Lukas had developed necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC). He was transferred to Seattle Children’s Hospital for a lifesaving surgery. Lukas made it through the surgery and we were told he was stable, so the doctors agreed we could leave for a bit to regroup, go get some things, so we could move into the hospital with him.
About 30 minutes after leaving, we received THE call—Lukas was not going to make it. We rushed back to the hospital to be by his bedside as his little body began to fail. My little Warrior was dying. I couldn’t help him. Lukas passed April 17th at 3:29 am in our arms.
Burying our 19-day-old son was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. No mother or parent should ever have to go through what we went through. I have a hole in my heart and think about him throughout my day. We have triggers. I randomly cry. My heart aches for the loss of Lukas. A strong woman I once was, this ultimately broke me.
The infertility world is lonely, but the loss of a baby at any stage, is lonelier. Our world will never be the same with the loss of Lukas and our previous two losses. Because there are not a lot of resources available for infant loss, we decided to be proactive in our healing journey, or we weren’t going to make it. I spent hours on the internet trying to find support. I finally found RTZ Hope, along with a group in our town for infant loss. It’s so important to find these resources so that you can learn to deal with the loss and live with its grief. No parent wants to be in “this club,” but being able to be part of a community to relate to other’s and be raw about our feeling’s, has been helpful. Those who have not walked in your shoes have no idea the daily pain we have, so being in a group does help create a sense of community where you feel accepted, heard and understood.
The gift Lukas brought me: to keep my faith, be stronger than I was before, and most of all, to be an advocate for other mother’s/families experiencing these losses. Your life is changed forever, but you can learn to live with the grief and still honor your baby.
We will honor Lukas every moment we can: light candles in his honor, buy Christmas presents each year for a family in need with a child the same age Lukas would be that Christmas, and celebrate his birthdays at his graveside. Lukas will NOT be forgotten as he is a part of our every day life.
RTZ Hope has provided many quotes and stories that I can relate with. I feel that these women know exactly how I feel. Those who have not walked in your shoes have no idea, so being in a community (that no parent should be in), does create a sense of community of understanding. You feel heard. You feel accepted.”
Pregnancy and infant loss is an unique type of loss, leaving the grievers to feel isolated and unsure of how to move forward. We'd be grateful if you you would consider making a contribution to RTZ HOPE. Your gift ensures that other parents who endure loss on their journey to parenthood have the support, resources, and community they need in order to navigate life after loss.
With your support, here’s what we were able to accomplish during 2022 (2022 Annual Report):
Fifty percent of support group participants received financial support to ensure that all parents have access to services.
Enhanced outreach to and created support services for Black, Indigenous, and other Communities of Color as a response to the alarming rate of preterm births and stillbirths caused by racial disparities in perinatal and infant health.
Offered 50 different support group programs (virtual workshops, virtual support groups, and in-person retreats) to our community of bereaved families.
Supplied our unique perinatal bereavement guides to 400 hospitals and providers to assist in caring for grieving families.
Hosted 10 perinatal bereavement education webinars to parents and providers.
Created community and spread awareness about pregnancy and infant loss through social media.