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Mother’s Day: A Gentle Guide From Those Who Understand

A community-led guide for navigating a complicated day

Mother’s Day can be one of the most tender, complicated days of the year.

For some, it’s filled with celebration.
For others, it’s filled with grief.
And for many—it’s both, all at once.

We asked members of our community—mothers who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss—what has helped them navigate this day.

Their words became this guide.

Take what feels supportive.
Leave what doesn’t.
There is no right way to do this day.

Start here

You don’t have to “thrive” today.

You don’t have to celebrate.
You don’t have to make meaning.
You don’t have to feel okay.

Getting through the day is enough.

Make a plan… or don’t

“Make a plan for some things you will likely want to do during the day… and be open and clear about what you need.”

Some mothers find it helpful to think ahead.
Others need the freedom to take the day moment by moment.

Both are okay.

Let go of expectations

“Quiet time… helps me let go of the expectations of what Mother’s Day should be like.”

This day doesn’t have to look like it used to.
It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

You are allowed to release expectations—your own and others’.

Create space to be with your baby

“Go to your peaceful place and just be.”

For many, this day includes intentional moments of connection.

That might look like:

  • visiting a meaningful place

  • lighting a candle

  • speaking to your baby

  • sitting in quiet reflection

There is no right way to remember.

Take care of yourself

“Take the time for yourself… there’s no right or wrong way.”

Self-care can be simple:

  • staying in bed

  • going for a walk

  • journaling

  • doing nothing at all

Whatever feels most supportive is enough.

Protect your heart

“Don’t go on social media that weekend.”
“It’s okay to say no to family events.”

You are allowed to create boundaries.

You can step away.
You can say no.
You can leave early.

Protecting your heart matters.

It’s okay if it’s complicated

“I needed to be sad for my angel, yet enjoy the day with my sunshine.”

You might feel more than one thing at once.

Grief and joy.
Love and longing.
Presence and absence.

All of it is valid.

Find small moments of peace

“I’m contemplating going to the beach alone… just to enjoy the soothing waves and sunlight.”

This day doesn’t have to be “good” to hold something gentle.

A quiet morning.
The warmth of the sun.
A moment to breathe.

You are still a mother

“It’s important to acknowledge that I am a mother… even if just to myself.”

Your motherhood is real.

Even if others don’t always see it.
Even if it looks different than you imagined.

This day might look like…

  • going to the beach alone

  • celebrating on a different day

  • staying in bed

  • lighting a candle

  • turning off your phone

  • spending time with family

  • creating space just for your baby

  • reaching out to someone else who might be hurting

  • doing nothing at all

There is no right way to do this day.

Voices from our community

  • Dominique

    “Mother’s Day for me feels awkward… and has been especially hard the past couple years.

    There’s this anticipatory anxiety leading up to the day—being around people, navigating conversations, and what it means to be a mother when my baby is not here.

    I tend to avoid church that day… I haven’t figured out how to navigate the ‘all mothers stand up’ moments or the way motherhood is recognized in those spaces.

    This year, I’m thinking about going to the beach alone. Just the waves and sunlight.”

  • Julia

    “Last year was my first Mother’s Day after losing my daughter.

    I felt like a mom—I knew I was a mom—but not everyone around me recognized that.

    I chose to spend the day taking care of myself, and the gentle messages I did receive meant everything. I focused on those instead of what was missing.

    It moved me to reach out to others who might be hurting too… and it became something really meaningful.

    This year, I’ve made a list of people I want to connect with. I think it might become a tradition.”

  • Kym

    “This will be my first Mother’s Day after the loss of our daughter.

    I’m nervous about the constant triggers—especially people saying ‘Happy Mother’s Day,’ because ‘happy’ doesn’t feel like the right word anymore.

    I want to slow down, honor my emotions as they come, and give myself space to feel everything.

    I plan to watch the sunset… that’s when I feel closest to my baby.”

  • Nicole

    “This will be my second Mother’s Day since my daughter passed.

    Last year, I wasn’t ready to celebrate in the way others expected, so I kept the day quiet and spent time with my immediate family.

    I asked for something with her birthstone, and I wear it for special occasions so a part of her is always with me.”

  • Bryanna

    “What has helped me is taking time to be by myself and think about my baby.

    I talk out loud as if I’m talking to them… ‘I hope you are at peace, I hope you are with family, and I hope we get to meet again someday.’

    It’s important to acknowledge that I am a mother—even if just to myself.”

  • Amalia

    “Because motherhood hasn’t yet found its way to me, I’ve learned the importance of quieting the noise around me.

    I step back from the internet and social spaces—not out of isolation, but out of self-care. It helps protect my heart.

    I let my days unfold gently. I rest. I breathe. I lean into love.

    Even here, there is meaning. There is beauty. There is love.”

  • Nicole B

    “Years after the stillbirth of our daughter, Olivia, Mother’s Day feels different than it once did.

    There was a time when it felt unbearably heavy—especially when my arms were empty and the grief felt all-consuming.

    Now, life feels fuller with our two daughters who came after her, and while Olivia is always with us, the grief has softened into something lighter.

    The pain changes shape over time… and one day, it won’t feel as heavy as it does right now.”

  • Whitney

    “For me, the days leading up to holidays like Mother’s Day are often harder than the actual day itself.

    There’s so much anticipation and buildup that can feel overwhelming.

    When the day finally comes, it can sometimes feel a little quieter than expected.”

  • Maria

    “This year, I feel ready to be pampered and relax.

    I’d like to go to brunch and not do anything else the rest of the day…

    maybe go to the beach.

    Just rest and take it easy.”

  • Karreen

    “Something that really helped me survive that first Mother’s Day was being acknowledged as a mom by the people around me.

    My husband made a donation in honor of our daughter, and every year he makes sure her name is included in the card along with our other children.

    We’ve created traditions—like a memorial garden and flowers that bloom in the spring—that help me feel connected to her, especially around Mother’s Day.

    Having those ways to honor her has made the day feel more meaningful over time.”

A closing note

Wherever this Mother’s Day finds you—

Whether you are newly grieving, years out, holding a newborn after loss, or still waiting—

We are holding you in our hearts.

Your baby matters.
Your motherhood matters.
You matter.

Wishing you a gentle Mother’s Day, whatever that looks like for you.

With love,
Return to Zero: HOPE