Suggestions for Supporting Your Loved Ones
Because pregnancy and infant loss are unlike other types of losses, sometimes our attempts to comfort a loved one causes more heartache. Doing nothing at all can be equally as hurtful.
The following suggestions are meant to help you be truly supportive as you care for your friend or family member who has endured losses on their journey to parenthood.
Arrange for meal delivery, meal gift cards, or grocery gift cards (2-4 weeks after the baby's death is helpful) - check out the Give In Kind website for more ideas as well as opportunities to purchase gift cards.
You can purchase gorgeous customizable child loss prints from Mother of Wilde (all gestational ages).
Send them a Self-care Box from Aaliyah in Action.
Refer to them as parents—as they are, even if they do not have a living child—and acknowledge them on Mother's and Father's Days.
Make sure to remember, ask about, and care for the partner, as they are also grieving.
Ask them to tell you about their baby: what was their baby’s name, what do they remember about their baby?
Use their baby’s name.
Ask to see a photograph of their baby; tell them he/she is beautiful.
Be present—listen, and sit with them.
Ask what would feel healing or helpful.
If they have living children, offer to take the children for outings and let the parents have time to grieve alone or together.
Don’t say “I’m here for you” or “reach out if you need anything.” They do need support. Text them and tell them you’re thinking of them.
PLEASE KEEP IN MIND
Birthdays, holidays, due dates, and anniversaries are especially difficult. Let the parents know that you are thinking of them and their baby on these special days with a card, small gift, candles, or a contribution to a meaningful charity. Please be open and accepting of however they choose to celebrate these holidays, even if they decide not to participate.
The grieving process is never over, and parents are always grateful for your kindness. Months after the loss, it can be helpful to continue to send "thinking of you" cards or thoughtful gifts.
Don’t be offended if the bereaved parents do not respond.
We also love this list of ideas from Refuge in Grief: How to help a grieving friend.